![]() ![]() This wasn’t a bad lens to bring to a relationship – it more or less meant asking whether the guy was fundamentally kind and self-sufficient, whether he acted as an equal partner, and whether you had similar goals for your lives. At least in my circle of largely college-educated, feminist-minded friends, women who married before 30 were something akin to child brides, strange and somewhat pitiable curiosities – how, we wondered somewhat condescendingly, could a 25-year-old even fully know who she was, let alone know who she wanted to attach herself to? So it wasn’t as if there was pressure to get married or some social convention I was bucking.īut there was a sense that, by your early 30s, it was time to make a move, which meant spending your late 20s evaluating men in terms of their marriageability. In more conservative pockets of the United States, getting married at 22 might still be in the norm, but in New York, where I lived for nearly the entirety of my young adulthood, we prided ourselves in not adhering to the social convention that women should spend their 20s husband-hunting, instead choosing to date a variety of men, foster female friendships, travel widely, and focus on our careers. There was, it seemed to me, still a pervasive sell-by marital age that dogged even the most progressive women in the most liberal cities. But it was the seeming compulsoriness of it, the way in which I watched couples around me slide into it as a marker of responsible adulthood, that turned me off. It’s not that I thought marriage was a universally bad institution to the contrary, I wrote often about how feminism was making it a better one. The truth is that it wasn’t the music video but my own cynicism, bolstered by feminist theory, that put me squarely in the marriage-free camp throughout my 20s. I said Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” – it was the first music video I ever watched, sneaking in a little MTV at a neighbor’s house, and it so terrified me that, I said jokingly, I was put off marriage forever. It wasn’t part of a serious conversation, but an aside in a getting-to-know-you activity we played as a group of journalists on a reporting trip in Malawi: name a song that influenced you, and explain why. ☞ For purchase on other platform, we invite you to contact our reseller for purchase in store, on Amazon delivered by Amazon and other partner websites.Within hours of meeting my now-husband, I told him I would never get married. ☞ Please note that the return and refund can only be done for orders on our website and purchase on Amazon delivered by us. Upon reception of the package, we will proceed to the total refund of your order except for the shipping costs of the return. All these elements must be placed in a shipping box of your choice, well secured and deposited in your mail with the delivery note stuck on it. That is to say unopened, unused and in the original packaging and condition. You should contact us at You will then have to send us back the items of your order as you received them. However if you change your mind during the process or upon receipt of your order you have a period of 14 days after purchase to retract. ⚠ ️ Once the order is registered, we cannot cancel or modify it. ![]()
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